One of the most painful experiences is watching someone you care about suffer in an abusive relationship. Domestic violence, which includes physical, emotional, and psychological abuse, often leaves victims feeling trapped and alone. For friends and family members, it’s difficult to know how to help or intervene without overstepping boundaries. Yet, providing support is crucial in helping the victim feel empowered to seek safety.

As October marks Domestic Violence Awareness Month, it’s an important time to learn how to offer meaningful help to loved ones who may be experiencing abuse. Here are some steps you can take to assist someone in a domestic violence situation.

1. Listen Without Judgment
The first and most important thing you can do is listen. Victims of domestic violence often feel ashamed, embarrassed, or afraid of being judged. Make it clear that you are there for them, and avoid criticizing their decisions, even if you don’t understand why they stay in the relationship. When they confide in you, express empathy and let them talk at their own pace. Instead of offering immediate advice, try saying, “I’m so sorry you’re going through this,” or “That sounds incredibly difficult. I’m here for you.”

2. Offer Resources, Not Demands
While it can be tempting to urge your friend or family member to leave the relationship immediately, that decision must be theirs. Leaving an abusive partner is often the most dangerous time for a victim, and they need to feel prepared, both emotionally and practically. Instead, gently provide resources. Mention hotlines, shelters, or legal aid that can help them when they’re ready. You can also help them research local shelters or domestic violence organizations that offer safety planning and legal guidance.

3. Help Them Create a Safety Plan
If your loved one is considering leaving, helping them create a safety plan is one of the most supportive actions you can take. A safety plan includes steps they can take to protect themselves if the situation escalates. It might involve identifying a safe place to go, having a bag packed with essentials, or establishing a code word they can use if they need immediate help. Encourage them to keep important documents, money, and keys in an accessible place. Discuss strategies for leaving discreetly, especially if they live with their abuser. Safety planning is highly individual, and resources like the National Domestic Violence Hotline can assist with this process.

Be a Safe, Reliable Support System
Isolation is one of the key tactics’ abusers use to control their victims. Many victims are cut off from family and friends, making it harder for them to seek help. It’s vital to make yourself a reliable source of support, whether it’s offering to drive them to appointments, providing a safe place to stay, or just being a phone call away. Let them know they can reach out to you at any time. Even if they don’t take immediate action, knowing that someone is there for them can make a significant difference in their emotional strength and readiness to leave.

5. Be Patient and Understanding
Domestic violence situations are incredibly complex, and it can take time for someone to leave. On average, victims attempt to leave seven times before they successfully escape their abuser. It’s essential to remain patient and not become frustrated if your loved one returns to the relationship or hesitates to take action.
Abusers often use psychological tactics to manipulate their victims, making them believe they’re dependent on the relationship or that they won’t survive outside of it. This emotional manipulation can make it very difficult for victims to leave, even when they’re aware of the danger.

6. Respect Their Decisions, Even If You Disagree
Ultimately, the person experiencing abuse must make their own decisions about their life and relationship. It’s important to respect their choices, even if you don’t agree. Trying to force them to leave, or cutting off communication if they stay, can further isolate them and make the situation worse. While it’s heartbreaking to watch someone you love suffer, your support can provide them with the strength they need to eventually leave the relationship. Remember, leaving is not a single event but a process.

7. Take Care of Yourself
Supporting someone in a domestic violence situation can be emotionally draining. It’s important to take care of your own mental health as well. Seek support from a therapist or support group, and make sure you set healthy boundaries for yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and the stronger you are, the more helpful you can be to your loved one.

8. In Case of Immediate Danger, Call 911
If you believe your friend or family member is in immediate physical danger, do not hesitate to call the police. You can also encourage them to call 911 themselves if they feel threatened or unsafe. Safety always comes first.
Domestic violence is a pervasive issue, but no one has to face it alone. By offering non-judgmental support, providing resources, and helping create a safety plan, you can make a crucial difference in the life of someone experiencing abuse. If you or someone you know needs help, contact DART at 395-8006 for confidential assistance.

For more information on how to help, visit www.dartla.org.

Andrea Malone, Jackson Parish DART Rural Advocate
208 Hudson
Jonesboro LA 71251
318-395-8006