(Last week, a nearby lightning bolt fried the modem on my computer. I had it replaced, but it brought to mind an article I had written years ago about my introduction to computers. It seems fitting today to share that story.)
HORROR TALES OF MODEMS, MOUSES AND DOWNLOADS
As much as I depend on my computer, the thing sometimes nearly scares me to death. Recently, it put the hoo-doo on me.
When I was preparing to retire from my 30-year career as a social worker, I already knew how I’d be spending my time after retirement. I’d update my status as an outdoor writer from part-time to full-time.
I was faced with a big decision. Should I continue to write articles in long hand, scratching out and editing before typing the final product on my typewriter, or would I take the plunge into the computer world?
My journalist friend, the late Wiley Hilburn, occasionally wrote about his mortal fear of computers. If Wiley could, week after week, crank out those incredible columns of his on an old standard clunker, maybe I should stick with what had worked to this point for me.
I’d attend a writer’s conference, and they’d talk about desktop publishing and Windows and Page Makers and Mac, and somebody would ask me which I used. I’d shuffle my feet, cough nervously, and mumble something about not having made up my mind just yet. I felt like I was in the Indy 500 driving a Studebaker. I was behind the times, and I knew it, but didn’t want to admit I didn’t know diddly squat about computers.
I’d stand in front of the computer store, watching until all the salesmen were busy before going in. Cautiously circling a model on display, I would survey the square eye as if it were a caged tiger at the zoo and I didn’t want to venture too close. I wouldn’t see the salesman walking up behind me, and I’d jump as if nudged with a cattle prod when he, all preppy and computer-savvy, would ask if I needed help.
“Just looking”, I’d say.
I had already learned to get out of there quickly before he started pointing out the features on the slick model before me and making me feel like the ultimate doofus as he described the serial ports, the mouse, and the modem.
I wouldn’t see the salesman walking up behind me, and I’d jump as if nudged with a cattle prod when he, all preppy and computer-savvy, would ask if I needed help. One day, feeling particularly bold, I stayed for the whole sales pitch although I didn’t have a clue as to what he was talking about. He finished and looked at me, anticipating a question about what server I should select.
I left him slack-jawed when I asked, “How do you turn it on?”
He flipped a switch, and there were beeps and chirps, and the glass eye magically came to life. The salesman began his pitch again and once more, I stopped him in his tracks with “How do you type on it?”
He was finally getting the picture, I surmised, that he was dealing with a real goober. I sat down tentatively in front of the screen and typed out, “Now is the tome for ale doog men….”
He showed me how to correct my mistakes and edit what I had written, how to store it, how to bring it back to the screen, and how to print what I had written. Finally, the thing began making sense, and I gradually lost my fear of damaging the machine by simply typing on it or it nuking me. I bought it, took it home, and a whole new world opened for me. Then why do computers still give me the willies sometimes?
I had almost completed my article for the week, a warm whimsical piece on the approach of fall and hunting seasons. Without warning, we lost power, and my story was dumped into a black hole, I assumed gone forever. When the power came back on, try as I might, I couldn’t come up with those poignant phrases that had so easily rolled off my finger tips moments before.
So there I sat, pen and yellow tablet in hand, writing with the same tools I used twenty years ago about how modern technology had done a number on me.
I’m thinking that maybe Wiley could have been on to something here.
FISHING REPORT
CANEY LAKE – Bass are around the grass early and hitting topwaters. Later they’re around deep drops and channels. Soft plastics and cranks baits are working best. Crappie are around the deeper tops and are hitting jigs and shiners. Bream are slow to fair. For information contact Caney Lake Landing at 259-6649, Hooks Marina at 249-2347, Terzia Tackle at 278-4498 or the Honey Hole Tackle Shop at 323-8707.
BUSSEY BRAKE – Crappie are on the flats and are fair on shiners or jigs. Some big bass are being caught early on topwaters and later by flipping the trees and lily pads with oversized soft plastics. The bream bite has slowed with fair catches made. For latest information, contact the Honey Hole Tackle Shop at 323-8707.
OUACHITA RIVER – Bass fishing is best up the river where there is more clear water. Crank baits and soft plastics are picking up some. Crappie are fair in the river lakes. For latest information, contact the Honey Hole Tackle Shop at 323-8707.
LAKE D’ARBONNE – Bass are best on topwaters early and crank baits and soft plastics later on secondary points. Crappie are in their summer patterns in deep water in the channel and channel edges and hitting jigs and shiners. The bream have slowed now that the water and air temperature has warmed. Lots of catfish are being caught on red wigglers and night crawlers just off the banks. For latest information, call Anderson Sport Center at 368-9669 or Honey Hole Tackle Shop at 323-8707.
LAKE CLAIBORNE – Crappie are around deep brush with jigs and shiners working best. Bass are in the shallows early hitting topwaters and in deeper water around around the channel edges later. Soft plastics and crank baits are picking up some. Night fishing is best now that the weather is turning hot. Bream are slow. For latest information, call Kel’s Cove at 927-2264 or Terzia Tackle at 278-4498.
LAKE YUCATAN – The water level is rising and should start falling around July 5. Catfish are being caught on trotlines and buffalo caught in nets. Crappie and bass have not started to hit but barfish are starting to bite. For info call Surplus City Landing at 318/467-2259.