Every vote from the major TikTok Sports outlets from around the country has been tabulated, and the result is no surprise:
Nasdaq University of Georgia A&T&M is picked to repeat as BC$ national champion — even though each member of the team agreed to a restructured contract and less money this fall for more money later.
“This will allow us to invest more money on transfers to fill immediate needs,” coach Tommy “Dough” DiCosmo said. “The restructuring of the contracts speaks to the unselfishness of this team. Humbles me as a coach. They won it all last year and they’re more than willing to wait for a few hundred thousand down the road instead of cash right now for the best chance to repeat.”
The usually unflappable DiCosmo stopped and appeared to choke back tears before saying, “It’s not the wins I’ll remember, or the championships, or the trophies … well, I mean, I WILL remember the wins and the championships and the trophies because those things got me a house off No.7 fairway and some beach property. But what I’ll also remember — besides the trophies and some pretty solid investments that should allow me to retire year after next with the lifestyle I’m accustomed to, minus the locker room smell — is how these guys were willing to take some deferred stocks instead of cash up front. ‘Unselfish’ is the word that comes to my mind.”
He stopped, gathered himself, then said, barely above a whisper, “Old school.”
“The team that pays together, stays together,” team captain and All-American linebacker CD “Low Blow” Lee said. “Word.”
Lee is one of a triplet set of linebackers on an ATM team that dominated last year. As a trio, Lee and brothers CA and CB registered more than 300 tackles.
“If there’s been a better combo of linebackers to ever play, I sure ain’t seen ’em,” defensive coordinator Bowler Johnson said. “And won’t, not in this lifetime.”
The triplets’ little brother CC anchors the secondary at strong safety. One of the bigger safeties to ever play the game, the 6-6, 225-pound baby of the Lee bunch runs a 4.4, can bench a small county and is one of the reasons opponents attempted just two passes of more than 15 yards all season. While each was completed, one resulted in a limp-off, the other in a cart-off.
The offense starts with Jimmy “No Shoes” Taylor, a barefooted wonder who confuses defenses and electrifies fans with his daring runs, rocket arm, and six-car garage. A senior from the tobacco fields of small-town Virginia, Taylor missed the first week of fall drills after wrecking his Jag on the drive from his summer home in Jackson Hole.
“He’ll be ready for the opener,” offensive coordinator and NFL Hall of Fame receiver Quincy “Eye Black” Fontenette said. “Insurance covered the Jag; also got Jimmy a new deal with an insurance company whose name I can’t say right now, but I have some pamphlets I’ll be happy to hand you after practice.”
Elo “6-Sport” Capers, everybody’s favorite running back, is healthy after having spent the summer “lifting weights, getting my shoulder back right, and rotating the tires on my Audi,” the heralded junior said. Besides football, Capers has lettered in basketball, baseball, track and field, breakdancing, and advanced/varsity trampoline.
He’s good, but the Guys Up Front might be better. The self-proclaimed Best Dressed Offensive Line in Football (each player wears a necktie during games), the ATM offensive line is anchored by center Trudell “Big Hands” Patterson and guards Blaze “Big Feet” Butler and Grayson “Big Fill-in-the-Blank” Katona.
“Every girl’s crazy ’bout a sharp-dressed man,” the shy and popular Katona said.
The offense usually plays with only one tackle, but opposing defensive coordinators will testify that at a cat-quick 7-2, 360, Moses “Where He At?” Abraham sort of counts as two guys anyway.
ATM opens the season against Wofford.
Picked to finish second this season are The New York Stock Exchange University of Alabama AT&T Fightin’ Benjamins.
Contact Teddy at teddy@latech.edu